Tuesday, April 8, 2014


Not exactly the happiest of all topics to be blogging about after almost a year of not blogging, but this has been on my mind all day that I kinda have to. But before that, YES, here I am, very first blog post from the UK, after being here for almost... 7 months. I apologise. I just lost all my blogging mojo. LOL.

But moving on to the topic, cynicism. That's what's been playing in my mind all day. AND more specifically, I'm currently having very cynical thoughts regarding friendship. technically as a (possibly?) person-centred counsellor, I should really believe that everyone is good and that our default setting is to do good, but I just can't think that anymore. Right now, I strongly believe that people's default settings is to be selfish, and that's what makes us such bad friends.

It's not that we consciously CHOOSE to be bad friends or make selfish decisions, I think we're just predisposed to be that way at times. So yeah with that belief in mind, I'm currently wondering, am I just friends with everyone I know because our circumstances brought us together and mutually we stand to gain more if we're friends, or do we really have absolutely no expectations and are really selfless in our friendship? I'm really really being drawn towards the former.

Bash me, and say I'm cynical, I don't really care, many recent happenings have led me to believe this. For example, if we were all predisposed to be really good friends, why would Person A deliberately get in the way of a job she KNOWS her friend has been dying to get for months? Or another example, why would Person B go after a girl whom he KNOWS his friend likes? If we were all better, selfless friends, we would know how to avoid making such decisions. But the truth is we don't, and we all make decisions like that, albeit unintentionally, that end up hurting our friends, people who we supposedly care about and love.

So yeah, call me cynical, call me stupid, call me crazy, or call me a bad friend, but I absolutely think that maybe, humans are just not made to be friends, and that we're really all just friends because we both stand to gain something from the friendship. A lot of selfishness if you think about it. That's all for my AMAZING BLOGGING COMEBACK. Sorry if you're disappointed :P

Friday, June 7, 2013

How can I?

This blog is as good as dead. I'm just here in a desperate attempt to save it. But I've got nothing to say. Or rather, I've got nothing to say that I want to say here. All I can say is I think I need a job. No, I KNOW I need a job. Need it ASAP too. Being at home alone, having all this time on my hands, gives me too much time to think about too many things, and overthinking is never good.

There are times when I wish I could turn back time. So many times. Slightly more than a month ago I said that I make it a point not to regret anything in the past that I ever did because there's always something to learn from it, but ask me now and I'd take back that one night.

Even though I know it was the right thing to do, how can I be happy with what I did when it's just making me feel like crap all this while?

Sunday, April 28, 2013


Honestly, I don't quite know how to update this blog anymore. I've become quite apprehensive about posting things about my daily life up online all the time, but I don't quite want to shut the blog down because I do believe that a lot of the things I used to write still serve as good reminders for me now. So perhaps, this is what this blog should be now. It should be a place for me to store all the lessons life gives to me.

A lot has happened, and I don't have any intentions of going into details about anything. Let's just say that the one lesson to take away from this all is definitely "Above all else, guard your heart". I guess time and time again it's the one lesson I always forget. If you're like me, you're bound to forget it too.

You might never read this, or you might, I don't know. It's not like I have a problem saying anything straight to you, but maybe now isn't the time for it, and I never got the chance before. Remember, above all else, guard your heart. Guard your heart. Don't let yourself get hurt. I know things are confusing and things are hard, but just take things one at a time and have faith, God will work wonders in ways you never imagined :) And whatever it is, whatever happened, whatever happens, I'll be here. I'll still be that one friend you can count on. You might not believe me when I say this but I'm better when I know I'm doing good for someone than when I'm being left alone.  So anytime okay? :)

This is for you, for myself and for everyone out there who feels like they're down and broken and don't know what to do. Things will turn around :) *bighugs*

Saturday, April 13, 2013


Because ever since I saw this, I loved it till today, and I found it while clearing my documents, so thought I'd post it here :)

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

36 questions

1. I've come to realize that my hair: 
 has a mind of its own.

2. I've come to realize that when I talk: 

I wave my hands around a lot, and my emotions usually come through.

4. I've come to realize that all I really need:
is some time away from everything and everybody.

5. I've come to realize that I've lost: 

the joy in talking to most people.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when: 

my feelings contradict each other. It's like I feel 2 polar opposite emotions, and usually all at one person. Like I'm super angry at you, but yet I still want things to be okay between us. You frustrate me, but I feel like it's my fault -.- I end up doing stupid things when I'm in this mood.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk:
I'd just sleep, with my redness.

8. I've come to realize that money:
is very handy to have. LOL. Like I need a new dress, and new heels too, for Psych Graduation Dinner.

9. I've come to realize that when I get old:
I really want to be happily married to someone I love :)

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
A klutz -.-

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on:
So many people. Ian Somerhalder, Chris Hemsworth, Adam Levine, just to name my top few.

12. I've come to realize that the last time I cried was:
2 nights ago.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone: 

is a pain when it comes to waking me up by RINGING properly. I can't figure out what is wrong with it.

14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the mornings:
I just want to go back to sleep.

15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I:
Think. And then think some more.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
how to solve my stupid phone alarm problem.

17. I've come to realize that my life:
is tough.

18. I've come to realize that my favourite drink is:
nothing. Don't have one I guess.

19. I've come to realize that today I will:
go home and practice my presentation for tomorrow.

20. I've come to realize that tonight I will: 

practice my presentation, and then think, and then pray that God will clear my head and show me a way.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will: 

be doing my presentation, and then probably going for CHESS night, or CSS. We'll see.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to:
go to UK.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is:

24. I've come to realize relationships are:
difficult, complicated, requires a whole lot of investment of time and energy and care, and maybe sometimes, worth it :)

25. I've come to realize that love:
is simply what I want.

26. I've come to realize my best guy friend(s):
never fail to make me smile and laugh, and always understands me, even when I refuse to admit how I feel :)

27. I've come to realize my best girl friend(s):
will always be here to stay, even when we're all miles apart :)

28. I've come to realize food is:
something I cannot live without. duh -.-

29: I've come to realize that this weekend:
will be NUO and I won't be playing, and I'm not part of the team and I'm just going to be watching while almost EVERYONE I know is playing :(

30. I've come to realize heartbreak:
will never go away if you don't face it. Sweeping it under the carpet and ignoring it will just make it hurt even more later on.

31. I've come to realize that the last person i liked:
changed me.

32.I've come to realize that my sister(s):
is growing up :')

33. I've come to realize that crying:
is something I seem to be doing pretty often again.

34. I've come to realize that death:
is something I'm really afraid of.

35. I've come to realize that if I'm sick:
I would still have a ton of work to do, I'll just have to do them while feeling sick and lethargic.

36. I've come to realize when I'm bored:
I eat. Or sleep.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Purple streak: round 2

Sitting in the salon in attempts to fix my faded purple streak. Apparently my hair is weird, cuz my hairstylist has never heard of dye fading even before the hair is washed. So we're now dyeing it a darker purple, so that when it fades it will be a purple that will stay purple. More updates later when I'm home.


I'm back home! Was actually back home several hours ago but I was busy, but anyway. PURPLE STREAK! :) Mom thinks it's way too purple now though. Oh well. Let's hope this won't fade off too badly.

Of best friends, writing and DIY projects.

So it's been almost half a year since I've been here. Lack of time? Possibly. Lack of inspiration? Likely. A found-again love for Tumblr? Definitely. Those are my excuses for abandoning my blog. Not good ones, but it's the truth.

So what's been happening? A lot. Am I going to write about all of them? Nope. I'll write about what matters, and what is on my mind now. So I'm officially in my very last semester of my degree. Shocking, I know. I'm still shocked myself, time passes by so quickly. My FYP is in progress, as are my other assignments. Got my semester 1 results back and I am pretty satisfied with them :) And of course, I am now writing about things that have got NOTHING to do with my title. Right. So, moving on.

I don't know if I've been watching too much Wong Fu lately (who am I kidding, this is almost definitely caused by that), but of late I've been thinking that I have abandoned writing for far too long. I found my old books as I read stories I used to write, and I must say I miss that old Amanda who just writes and writes and writes. I stopped doing that, and now I've decided I want to start writing again though it's going to be difficult what with this being my last sem and all. I think I'll also start writing things more related to short films? I don't know I feel like being able to have your work made into a video/short is really meaningful, especially if it's something that can really convey emotion. I suppose this is a very long term project but hopefully I'll be able to write something worth making into a short, and perhaps I'll start learning making videos/editing and such (Told you it's Wong Fu influenced), or I could get someone to make it into a short :)

Besides watching too much Wong Fu, I must admit I have been a little bit obsessed interested with Wes from Wong Fu and so have also been watching his #TheMakeShift videos on ISATV. They're interesting and he's super creative (not to mention super adorable + quietly hot), but I never really wanted to do any of the crafts, until I watched Episode 9 of it (Watch it HERE).

The Web-Site! :) And Wes, the mind behind it :)

I was so inspired I went and bought the materials needed to make this. Now all I need is just time to work on this. Over CNY when I'm too full to eat anymore perhaps. I have all these polaroids I don't know how to keep or where to put, I think this could be a great way of putting them up. New frames for the room soon! Pretty excited cuz I am usually not motivated to do anything DIY, but Wes might have just changed my mind!

Now, creative juices aside, I miss my best friends. Only 3 of us left in Malaysia now, Lis, Naim and me. Phoeb has officially left for UK and Renu is still in Aussie. I can't even remember the last time 5 of us were in the same room together. Being away from each other really sucks, but thanks to the wonders of technology (and also thank to the fact that Phoeb, Lis and I finally got our S3s), we now have a Whatsapp group where we update each other all the time :)

Not meaning to be sappy or anything, but I love the 4 of them to bits, and no one, literally no one, can take their place. In a world where so many things go wrong and where so many people let me down, they're the ones that have always been there for me :) Hooray to high school friendships lasting even now that we're all grown up.

Our latest "excursion" was a picnic in Putrajaya Botanical Gardens, where we cycled, prepared our own food, brought mats and the works. It was a legit picnic. Hot as hell and we sweated our heads away, but it was nice and different, plus the sunlight allowed us to take very pretty pictures :) Missing Renu though.

Okay this blog post turned out a lot longer than expected. Presumably, it is good, since I do want to start writing again. Lots of projects to begin, I just need to focus and divide my time and learn how to not do everything at once. And on that note, I shall leave you, but not before I show you an INCREDIBLY adorable GIF of Wes :)

Yourewelcomemmkthatsallbye :)