Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas! :)


I wish it were snowing in Malaysia :/

But it doesn't matter, my favourite season of the year is here!
The best part of Christmas is having awesome awesome food, plus the company of all my loved ones :)
I couldn't be happier.
Merry Christmas everyone :D

Sunday, December 4, 2011

#Imsorry

I'm sorry.
Can we be okay now?
Curse me and my stupid pride.
I really am sorry.
I say the stupidest things sometimes.
And I don't even mean them.
But I know words cut like a knife.
And I can't ever take them back.
I only hope you know I never meant them.
I really didn't.
I screwed up and I'm sorry.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Trust Issues

This might just be a problem I never knew I had.
So difficult for me to just let go and let things take its course sometimes.
It takes a lot for someone to earn my trust. 
..........

Hate it when it feels like I did something wrong but I don't know for sure cuz people won't tell me.
Instead they just say ok and I'm left with the idea that I must have said something wrong but I don't know how to go about fixing it.
I kinda just wish people would confront me and tell me I was wrong.
And then to top it off, I feel like I'm being avoided sometimes.

..........

On another note, I go in for love and life in 2 more days. 
Just 2.
Perhaps the 7 days away will be a blessing in disguise for me
But...
Miracles happen but I guess this is just not the time for it.
I tried, I really did.
But I cannot make miracles happen, and I guess God didn't think this was an appropriate one to make happen.
2 more days, and I'll be gone for 7 days. 
No expectations.
I am who I was 2 years ago.

Friday, December 2, 2011

#foreveralone

Maybe it'd be easier if I was that type of person who doesn't need anyone, and who doesn't mind being alone. Like how some people actually LIKE being alone, and dislike having crowds or people around them. Yeah I wonder what it feels like being them. I probably wouldn't mind my situation so much if I was that type of person, which I am not.


..........

On another note, our bake sale was successful :) Sold out everything. And collected money for Open Hands as well. I know I swore I wouldn't bake cupcakes for like a few months after our Sg Long fundraising but I did. I baked again for the PsychSoc bake sale. Tiring as hell again, but fun :)


Cupcakes all lined up to be sold :)

Love and Life in 3 days. Don't think I'm ready. Still praying for something to happen somewhere.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Coming undone

Too long.
Too much.
I'm going to have to decide, as much as I don't want to.
Why won't you say anything to me? 
I just need one word. One. Anything. Just one.
Then I'll stay.
I promise.
I will.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Sick but excited

Greetings from a sick person lying on her bed :) I woke up this morning thinking I'll be better since I slept early last night, but apparently not. LOL. Was so in a daze that I went to class and only realised I didn't comb my hair till AFTER my classes ended. If you know me well you'll know that not combing my hair is a big deal for me k. LOL. Ayeing said that I looked sick and yeah, was walking around with that sick face of mine, and also that leaky nose. Thank goodness I saw no one but my classmates today :D


Right now I'm just waiting for it to be a little later then I'm heading to bed. The fever and headache kicked in already so from the way I see it, I can only get better from here on. The leaky nose is leaking more than ever, and at the same time it is also super blocked. But oh well, I'm pretty sure I'll feel better tomorrow. I kinda have to, if i want to go to Penang in peace and not be this sick person. So pray for me okay :)


Been happy these past 2 days, very proud of myself. Even with all that problems with the experiment and the difficulties plus being sick, I'm really doing good :) Optimisticism is the way to go. HAHAHAHHA. (Yes I realise the word is optimism, and yes I did that on purpose) Sleeping without the air con tonight yaaay me!


Lalallalala Penang on Friday! ROOOOAADDDDTRRRIPPPPP! with some pretty awesome people :) can't wait. ooohh and awesome fooooood! yaaaaaay! Too bad I'll need to bring some journals with me to read. But it's okay, that isn't going to bring me down. I is excited! :)



Tadaaaaa I don't look THAT sick right? :) Knew it :P

Oohhh almost 10pm. Bed time. :)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Hello world, I hope you're listening.


Nature at its best :) Calm and peaceful.


Sometimes life is a lot more beautiful than we give it credit for :)

I forgot how beautiful a sunrise is. Both visually and abstractly. It's so pretty to look at, but it also gives a sense of a new day, a new dawn, a new hope :) That, together with the rush of endorphins, very awesome indeed.


Almost on Broga Hill.

Slightly more than a month before Christmas comes again. So excited! Very busy, and a lot needs to be done. But I take comfort in knowing that once all that passes, I'll be singing Christmas carols, taking pictures with my reindeer antlers, spending time with family and friends, all together with good food, presents and of course a lot of love :)


The countdown begins :)

The little things in life, the little things in life.
Just need to keep reminding myself to appreciate all the little things in life.
And when I do, I sometimes realise that I couldn't ask for more :)

...................................

But on a random note, 
#songoftheday Come Home by One Republic ft Sara Bareilles

"But there's someone I've been missing, I think that they could be, the better half of me".

I still believe, that somewhere out there, my better half exists :) And I may or may not know him, but I miss him.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Paradox

Our entire life is a paradox. It's a vicious cycle of circularity. 
Again and again.
Over and over.
Time and time and time again.
Everything we do, just seems to be so very contradictory.


What really hit me was how we strive to achieve happiness and yet, the path towards happiness leads us to resentment and anger, disappointment and hurt, fatigue and loneliness. Sometimes I wonder what we're all trying to tell ourselves. Are we just trying too hard to be happy? When what we really should do is just to live in each and every moment and to live it to the very fullest cuz that seems like the only way possible to find happiness everyday.


Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
I think we all forget that sometimes. 
And that's why, life becomes more paradoxical than it really is.
As if life didn't already have enough paradoxes in it.


Like time.
We all say time heals.
But does it really?
Maybe it does.
Let's say it does.
But time also breaks.
While it's helping you heal, it's probably breaking something.
It's like, something's gotta give.


Most of the time, what makes everything such a paradox is cuz 
what makes us happy is also what breaks our hearts.
It's kinda like saying,
humans were very much created to need each other.
But sometimes we reject the fact that we need people, 
because when you need someone, you pretty much put yourself in a position to be disappointed.
It is very much like saying,
the person whom you love the most will also be the person who hurts you the most.
SEE WHAT I MEAN.
Our life is a paradox.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Retail therapy

OOHHHHHYEAHHHH! Works every time. And when I say works I meant works in erm..... cheering someone up I guess. Not that I needed much cheering up, I was feeling fine. 
But shopping just makes me happier :) 
Plus I had the awesome company of Phoeb so it was really fun. We're a bad influence for each other. I keep telling her to get things, and she keeps telling me to get things as well :P


So the damage for the day is that I'm very much broke right now. o.O And taking into consideration that we might be going to Jogoya on Thurs, I really don't know where I'm gonna find money. Must go con dad again :P But either way it was worth it. 
From today's retail therapy, I have got.....


A new white top from Cotton On.
A new pink dress from Kitschen.
A new brown belt with heart shape details from Forever 21.
A new charm bracelet from Crafted by Mei at Offline.
A new bottle of pink nail polish from Rubi at Cotton On.


Too lazy to take pictures though so yeah, you'll just have to live with my descriptions :) kthxbai!

Friday, November 11, 2011

11/11/11

Ahhh the days where I waited for the clock to show 11.11 so that I can make a wish. Foolish days, truly foolish. I closed my eyes each and every time and said my wish in my heart each time I saw 11.11. With so much hope, and so much faith, I made wishes all the time. Today twitter and facebook is just going on and on about it being 11/11/11 and I've reached that stage in life where wishes just seem trivial, and pointless.


11/11/11 just seems like another one of our pathetic attempts to give ourselves hope for something, when there might as well be nothing there. In my opinion, it is a disguised masochistic act of breaking your own fragile heart cuz you build 11/11/11 up to be something so special and make wishes and all that, when all you're really doing is just providing life with another chance to tear you down and disappoint you.


Yeah sure, the date is pretty awesome and looks pretty darn cool but how is making a wish on this one day going to help again? Instead, you should put all this faith you have in something that won't fail you. 
Stop making wishes.
I have. 
Yeah so maybe I sound slightly cynical, but what I'm trying to say is, why make a wish, when you can pray to a God who is greater than all the wishes the world could ever offer you? 
We don't need wishes, we just need prayers :)


..................

On another note, I need to fix myself. 
It's been long.
It's been way too long.
Way longer than I realised.
Time just kinda flew by. I didn't even realise I let so much time slip by. And I'm still like that.
In this same position.
In this same place.
In this same predicament.
In this same mess.
At some point in my life I'm going to have to learn to stop ending up in situations like that.
I'm so tired.

I'm very tempted to open up my Tumblr and just sit and drown in everything I wrote, but I don't see how that's going to help me. So I shall not. In fact I kinda pretty much gave up on Tumblr-ing. There is really nothing for me to write anymore. I don't wanna remember anything anymore. It's time for a different approach to things.

How long are we going to go on living like that?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I could.

I could wait forever.
I could sit and wonder.
I could long for the life I've always wanted to have.
I could dream about all that's still left.

On nights like these the quietness seems overwhelming.
On nights like these I'm left pondering.
If I could turn back time I would.
To relive the memories, if I could. 

I could pretend like I'm fine.
I could pretend like everything's mine.
I could pretend like I'm happy.
I could pretend like it's you and me.

But I can't, because it would be a lie.
Because we all know what's left here is what's left to die...

(written in 10 minutes with Just A Kiss and Marry Me playing in the back. I don't know what has gotten into me. I blame the music. Nuff said.)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Happy 20th Birthday Lis!

My Godsister/childhood friend/one-heart partner/bed-bunking buddy/gossip sleepover, sushi-eating companion turns 20 today! FINALLY! Welcome to the 20s Wei :)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA ONG ZHU WEI!



Loving the weeeeeenies :P

From little kids who got to know each other through carpooling from when we were in Std 2, till now, being 20 and all "nerdy" uni gals :)
Thanks for all the lovely memories Wei. All the fun times, all the horrible messes we got into, the ones we stuck together and eventually pulled through and which we now laugh about. No one like you Wei, and you know how much I love you :)


Indian for a day :)


One of our many bed bunking camps :)
(Sleeping in Lutheran Centre for the past 2 nights wasn't really the same this time cuz I didn't have you to share the bed with :( I barely slept really. LOL)


The females of Awesome-4-FASM :)


Duck-feeding cuz we're awesome like that :D

Now go make sure you study hard, study smart and ace those finals and we shall go for your birthday celebration after you and Phoeb are done with finals :)

And here's to many many many many more years of awesome, fun-filled, never boring friendship. LOVE YOU WEI! :) *hugs*

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Making the most out of it

Another one of those nights where I feel like writing down random things.
I'm really blessed.
Truly :)


Was just reading through a lot of things, and remembering a lot of moments, and each and every one of those moments and things that I read put a smile on my face :) I really do have amazing people around me.
People who are always there for me.
People who are always there to make me laugh.
People who are always there to make me feel better.
People who understand.


I really couldn't and probably shouldn't ask for more. Thank you Lord for all the little things that make me smile, all the things that make me happy even though they mean nothing to everyone else.



Initially didn't like that this candid picture of me was taken. But now I'm kinda appreciating it, cuz I'm truly laughing, not faking it, and I really am happy :)


On a random note, do I look like a trust-worthy, responsible treasurer of PsychSoc? :P

|Tonight and every night, as well as everyday, I promise to try and look at everything in my life and to remember and appreciate the good times, instead of moaning and groaning about all the bad ones.|

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Things to do by 2012? I hope.

Nothing to do with the fact that everyone believes the world is going to end in 2012. I'm just doing this cuz I need to remind myself to do something and it just needs to be put somewhere. So where else better to put this other than on my blog? :)


Drag my pathetic little cowardly self to donate blood next year, somewhere in October with Shaun Lim. (because he said I ditch him otherwise)


I don't know what else to do by next year. I really only needed to write that. LOL. But while I'm at it, here's the few things I ticked off my older "random things to do during summer" and another "random list of things to do" lists.


Summer list

  1. Climb Broga Hill and take sunrise pictures
  2. Fly kites during sunset
  3. Road trip!
  4. Ice skate
  5. Shop for new clothes and new shoes! =D
  6. Slumber parties =)
  7. Skype all night with the girls
  8. Let the people I love know that I love them, because I really do 
Older random list

  1. Climb up some mountain and watch the sunrise.. (broga aint' not mountain but wth la LOL)
  2. Run in a field when it's super windy..
  3. Climb a tree and sit at the top, and face somewhere that has a view.. (if skytrex counts)
One very noticeable thing that was on BOTH lists that I failed to do is to 

lie down on a beach and watch the stars. 

So that has to be done by the end of next year. For real. 


The last time I was on a beach =.= Jan 2011, so long ago.

Oh one more thing to add to the list. Or rather to repeat again cuz it was on my previous list too.

Have a picnic by a waterfall.

Okay I'm done. Goodbye :)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Disturbance

#nowplaying The Only Exception by Paramore


I need to get a grip of myself.
I need to stop being lazy.
I need to start studying for real.


I fell asleep in my cognitive lecture today during the last 20 minutes. You have no idea HOW HARD I fought with myself to stop myself from sleeping. But my lack of sleep, together with a boring perception lecture regarding vision (I DETEST learning about the visual system btw) and to top it off the heavy rain, my eyes just couldn't keep open.


Today morning/afternoon was my happy day anyway. My classmate commented and said that I look like I slimmed down some more from when our sem just started :) TOTALLY made me damn happy. Oh plus another little incident in a social networking site that made me happily giggling in Cognitive class to Yeing like a dumb blonde. OH and also, my hot lecturer said hi to me today :D


Was initially a bit sad when I started this blog post. 
Why? 
All I'll say is that sometimes I express myself in ways that are contradictory to the what I'm really feeling. 
In reality, I'm only being distant and probably somewhat aloof only because it just constantly feels like I'm a disturbance to you, and I don't know how to go about things the right way.
But I'm feeling fine now. Just did something pretty amusingly stupid to ease that sickening feeling of not knowing what to do. :D Sometimes I'm really amusing. LOL.


Anywaaaaayy, no class tomorrow and pick-up has been changed to Fri. I wanna eat Sushi, so badly :( Hmmm thinking of what to do now tomorrow. Wanna go out, watch a movie? Hmmm maybe. Or I could just stay home and rot. We'll see. 
Oh my sushi :(


#nowplaying I Run To You by Lady Antebellum

Monday, October 17, 2011

Clarity

When things happen and they happen in a way we didn't want them to, we almost always NEVER understand why they happen and we almost always question why it happened and we complain that life isn't fair. Well I'm here to tell you that life just isn't fair, deal with it. LOL.
No okay jokes aside. I'm here to hopefully inject some optimism into you :)


Trust me when i say I know how it feels like.
How it feels like to not understand. 
How it feels like to not know.
Because I've been there.


Technically I'm probably still somewhere there, but I'm at the stage where it's getting better. Some sort of clarity is slowly coming upon me, and I'm starting to see the reasons why things didn't happen the way I want them to. Just a bit though, I'm still trying. :)


Take comfort in knowing that God has his reasons for whatever that happens to you. You might not see it now, but you WILL see it sometime in the future. And when you do see it, you'll understand exactly why God did what He did.


To push you to your limits.
To test your patience.
To make you a stronger person.
To show you that you're worth more than you know.
To help you appreciate all the things that DO go your way in life.
Because what you want might not be what you need.
Because He sees it all and He has something greater in store for you.


What's one or two or even several setbacks in life when you know that you have God on your side? All He asks of you is faith, faith and more faith. Keep believing in Him, and you'll see that things do get better. 
Don't go constantly looking for all the answers you need. Don't search so hard that you miss out on all the little things He makes better each day. When you least expect it, clarity and comfort comes in many forms.


Through a song.
Through the words of a friend.
Through a hug from someone you love.
Through something you see.
Through something you read.
Through something you learn in class.
Through random thoughts in your mind.
Through your dreams.


Today my lecturer was teaching about Freud and psychoanalysis and he happened to be pretty hot and interesting, plus I actually find Freud intriguing so I was paying attention. Many things he said struck something inside in me. But the most significant phrase he said was something about "the ability to talk and express yourself especially emotionally is a sign of good psychological health".


Won't say much on how it touched me, but it definitely did. I'm slowly beginning to see that the reason why God didn't allow things to happen the way I did is because He wants me to be prepared, and He wants me to get the best that I possibly can. He will not settle for giving me something just cuz I want it, because in His eyes, He knows that I deserve the best and what I want was probably not the best that He can give me.


I love the way He slowly reveals things to me. And He will do the same for you, if you just trust in Him and have faith and allow Him to work His plans in your life. :) When all else fails, God will not. No one will be able to compare to Him cuz his love is perfect. And we only love because God loved us first.


In every cloud there's a silver lining. |#One Day You Will- Lady Antebellum|


If you hold on, shadows will be lost in the light. |#Holes Inside- Joe Brooks|


Life is so much more than what your eyes are seeing, 
You will find your way if you keep believing. |#That's What Faith Can Do- Kutless|


All the while You hear each spoken need,
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things. |#Blessings- Laura Story|



Sunday, October 16, 2011

Happy 20th Birthday Phoeb!

My awesome best friend turned 20 today! So just a short short post for her (cuz I'm really tired from baking all weekend LOL).


HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY PHOEB!



17 years old us, back in high sch :P


18 years old us, Taylor's days in our 195U apartment on Phoeb's bed :)


19 years old us, in MV for one of the days we went out.


Pout pout pout. 20 years old us beginning of this year for Tun and Renu's birthday celebration.


One of our skype dates this year, with us showing off our fav soft toys, Rubello and Simon :D


Summer this year on Broga Hill :)


Our latest picture together, during reunion in Ng's house. Karaoke duet buddies :)


Thanks for all the times, all the years, all the memories and for everything else. Cannot imagine life without you seriously. You know I'll always be here for you no matter what, no matter where :) Here's to many many many more years of friendship, and to a friendship that gets better as the years go by. I love you Phoeb! :)


P/s: Don't have pictures from when we were waaaaay waaaaaay younger back then la. I should go dig and scan them Phoeb :P

Friday, October 14, 2011

Cha-ching cha-ching, ba-bling ba-bling

Just in case you haven't watched it yet, here you go :) 




If you like it please share it and spread the joy k :) We're doing what we love and we're loving what we do :P

P/s: Okay taking a break from promoting my musical self to focus on my baking self :)

Scarred.

Literally kay. Not just joking bout my emotional instability. Lmao. Had a blast and I love ultimate but my injuries are SO ridiculous. Well technically I get injured even when I'm not playing ultimate so what the heck la really. I'll just keep living like this. I've got nothing to say just wanted to show ya'll my new scraped knees :D


BTW, I LOVE living off these endorphins I get from exercising. Should make it a point to exercise everyday regardless whether there is ultimate or not. No ultimate, I should just go jog and run. I want them endorphins yo. (Hmmm that kinda makes endorphins my drug, no?) 
Wiki says this about the term endorphin and why it's named like that: 
It consists of two parts: endo- and -orphin; these are short forms of the words endogenous and morphine, intended to mean "a morphine-like substance originating from within the body."


P/s: Okay done being smarty smart and all bio-ish. See my knees.



So gross, I know.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Played

#nowplaying You Can't Break A Broken Heart by Kate Voegele


Life's funny you know. So many things happen and it builds you up just to tear you down.
Played by life indeed.
Anyhow, NO FUN being in second year. The lectures are SO much heavier than when I was in Year 1. Cognitive today was literally 2 hours nonstop of continuous semi-nonsensical facts about perception. The lecturer is good, there's just SO MUCH to cover (btw we couldn't finish covering the slides). 
So dense, so dense,
WAY TOO DENSE.


I'm actually going to go and STUDY in a short while, THAT should give you some indication on just how bad things are. Cuz if you know me well enough you'll know that I NEVER study when it's not exam period. Ahh how my Year 2 is starting to change me. This afternoon I read 4 pages on Freud to prepare for next week's CHIP lecture o.O
I'm amazing even myself.
Seriously.


On a happier note, my group built our experiment today and ran it and it totally works and everything seems to be right. Just need to get the green light from Professor Peter on Friday and we're all good to start our experiment. 
SO BANGGA cuz we did it ourselves :)
Semi better than when we were first year students la :P


Our uni had some Nestle Drumstick thingy going on today and we like happy kids went and bought ice-cream and did this.



I look mighty fugly in my opinion.
(We might win a limited edition USB LOL)


Iceeeeeee-creeaaaaaammmm! :)

P/s: Just cuz I'm a second year student doesn't mean I'm BORING kaaayyy. :P

#Random facts
  1. My PsychSoc vice treasurer is so cute. Today he told me, "okay la fine as vice treasurer I"m supposed to be submissive to you" LOL.
  2. CK forgot my name =.=
  3. There is not enough parking in uni
  4. I feel like baking everyday
  5. Life keeps playing me. Many many times.
  6. Now I know what empty this is.
  7. Yellow=sunshine :)
#nowplaying Had Enough by Lifehouse

Friday, October 7, 2011

5 minutes

#nowplaying Who Am I by Casting Crowns


Weeeeee day 1 of my 5 minutes a day mission is a success. :) So successful that I didn't even NEED my 5 minutes. I kept saving it, so I just didn't complain and then turns out, I didn't even use it. So, it's all good I guess. 
Plus I think the endorphins from ultimate helped. Yes I finally dragged my lazy ass up and went for ultimate in uni because I signed up (paid RM15) and because I told Mark I'd go and because Justin teman me :P


I will, deal with whatever comes. All happens for a reason. I will pull through. And you know, maybe along the way, I'd be less dependent on you, and I'll finally make up my mind and not be confused, because well, time will just make everything easier, and time heals.
In the mean time, I'll just try and stay away from all songs that make me emo and that trigger repressed memories. And by repressed obviously I mean artificially repressed. If they were really repressed I wouldn't know I had those memories in the first place. 
(yes I am a psych student I speak about psych-ish things. DEAL WITH IT! hahahaha.)


Shaun gave me this phrase yesterday. And the more I read it, the more it really makes sense.


"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning."

So yeah, very optimistic way of looking at things but it is so true. Maybe this so-called ending, is really only the beginning of better things to come. I don't wanna be sad and be down about it anymore. At least I cleared all the what ifs right? :) And it's okay if it never happened the way I wanted it to, I'll be thankful that at least, it grew in my heart. I'm pretty sure I'll take something from it. Slowly but surely :)

Sure I miss you. But I miss a lot of things, I miss a lot of people. Right now absence makes the heart grow fonder but soon it could be out of sight, out of mind. I just need time to change my perception for me. And when that happens, that means things are more than okay already. Cuz even as they are now, they're okay :)

#nowplaying Closer to the Edge by 30 Seconds to Mars

P/s: Guys who play ultimate frisbee :) When they jump into the air and catch the disc with that style and that attitude it makes them look good. Hmmm, should definitely find a bf who plays ultimate frisbee. Volleyball and basketball are SO yesterday :P

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Happy 26th Birthday Freddieeeeeeee!

Brother from another set of parents, 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)
May you be blessed in everything that you do. Thanks for always being there for me, even when it's being there to laugh at me and to make fun at my dumb blonde moments. Have a great day and enjoy yourself k! :) And hahahaha old man, 26 edi. But please keep having fun like a teen k. If you become an old boring uncle I'm not hanging out with you no more :P
Lotsa love Mr. Citizenship of Quah's Residence *HUGS*


Here's to being annoyed and irritated and teased and laughed at by each other for the next many many many many, did I mention MANY, years to come :)