Friday, August 24, 2012

Flawed, but this is me.

I trip over my own two feet,
I knock things down,
I say things I don't mean,
I get angry too easily,
I don't tell you what I'm angry about,
I have days where I'd rather be alone,
Sometimes I don't even want to spend time with my friends,
I never seem to know how to pick up my phone,
Then there's that problem of forgetting to reply smses,
I'm disorganized, and misplace my things all the time,
My room's a mess and I seem to own too much stuff,
I procrastinate, and always get things done just in the nick of time,
I pig out so often, just eating and sleeping,
I talk to loudly, laugh too loudly,
Basically sometimes I'm downright ugly,
Not just physically but even emotionally,
I never show it but words cut me so deep sometimes,
Most of the time I'm nice, even when I am secretly cursing in my head,
So I guess that makes me somewhat of a hypocrite too,
I'm sarcastic, snappy and downright bitchy on off days,
Sometimes I don't wanna say sorry, even when I know I'm wrong,
I don't like losing so I end up getting defensive,
At times I tune out and pretend like I'm listening,
I tell lies just so I don't have to feel bad telling the truth,
I hide how I really feel cuz I don't want to explain myself,
I say I'm okay even when I'm not,
Not cuz I want to but just cuz it's easier,
I overthink, and I'm a natural born worrier,
I'm mostly pessimistic, and I think the worst of people and of situations,
So yes, clearly I'm not perfect, I'm far from it in fact,
I'm sorry that I don't live up to expectations,
And I'm sorry if I have disappointed you in one way or another,
Sometimes I know that I screw things up,
And I make the wrong decisions,
But trust me when I say I'm trying,
I really am,
But sometimes it's just not easy to break a habit,
And even though I'm not perfect,
I'm not ashamed of myself,
Cuz there are the better parts of me too,
But that's for another day,
For now,
Yes I'm flawed, but this is me.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Because it was requested.

Yes, this update was requested. A few times I might add. By a certain someone with the name Justin. (Why am I bugged to update my blog again? LOL) Either way, I figured that an update IS due. It's been close to a month since my last update. More than one month of my summer break is gone! :O 
Okay more updates on what I've been up to since my last update :) I hope I don't miss anything out.

Firstly, Cameron Highlands! Was there to help out for the confirmation camp.

The one and only Martin Jalleh, their awesome speaker.

The "service team", as Martin liked to call us.

The 2 people I spent most of the weekend with, Juan and Vivian :)

The special sauce for my station during the station games. Chili sauce and wasabi, I swear it's yummy! :)

During the set up for the photo taking session, we obviously decided to take photos of ourselves too :P

The group picture in Barre Centre just before leaving.

And then on 19th June, I went for Jason Mraz's concert! :D :D :D OMG he is UHHHMAAYYYZINNNGG live, consistently good throughout the whole show, with great showmanship, getting the crowd to dance along with him. My current Jason Mraz addictions are A Beautiful Mess, The Dynamo of Volition, The Woman I Love and 93 Million Miles.

The concert gang for the night :)

The Jason Mraz crushers :P *coughnesscough*

And then that weekend, I went away again! This time to Melaka, for UTeM's Ultimate Open. But obviously not just for that. We also went a day earlier to, literally, eat all the awesome food nonstop. *disclaimer: I am not to be blamed if you feel hungry after the series of pictures about to be shown :P*

My travel/eating buddies :)

#1: Chicken Rice Ball

#2: Cendol

#3: One Bite Durian Cream Puffs (yes I have a small mouth -.-)

#4: Nadeje Crepe Cakes

#5: Starbucks Frappucino (okay so this isn't a Melaka specialty, but we just HAD to cuz it was Friday, meaning 50% off the fraps)

#6: Ikan Bakar (Greg didn't take a picture of it -.-)

#7: Satay Celup

And that concludes the food pictures I'm showing from Melaka. Yes we ate all that in one day, specifically from lunch to supper. Bloated, but gosh it was SO SO GOOD :) The next day was our ultimate tournament, but I really was too busy running, melting under the heat and hyperventilating to take pictures. (Yeah I kid you not I had an episode of hyperventilation on the field DURING a match cuz I couldn't breathe -.-) Only picture I have from tourney day:

The Oops girls + Kai Seng and our awesome two toned thighs :D

It was also Greg's birthday that Friday but we were too distracted by the food that we forgot or plans of buying a cake to surprise Greg :P Oops. Anyway, had Greg's birthday dinner on Sunday in Le Meridien, where we didn't get him a cake. My poor brother didn't have a birthday cake this year. LOL.

Ze siblings :)

And on 30th June, I auditioned for Splash Show Choir. Prior to that, awesome day out with Fred and Mark. We were shopping for Mark's working clothes, and also for Sandy's birthday present. Super eventful day, which involved hiding a dress, Fred and me bossing Mark around, and us going round and round trying to get to Broadway Academy (where my audition was), and eventually going round and round again trying to get home. That night, we went for Sandy's belated 21st birthday :) (I don't have a picture with the birthday girl yet, still waiting for her friends to upload cuz it's in their camera.)

The very beautiful birthday girl blowing her cake with her grandparents.

The one-heart partner/godsister/bunking buddy/best friend and me :)

LNL family (excuse my ugly fringe, just had it cut and relaxed the day before the party)

And on that same day, RENU CAME BAAAACCKKK! :) So overjoyed that she's back, I've missed her. No doubt only back for holidays, but still great to see her. Had a small high school reunion in Metro Point. We went crazy taking pictures, I kid you not :P

Those in attendance that Tuesday #5Intan2008

My current cover picture 

4 shots! :)

Because we can :D

I love how happy we look in this candid shot. My favourite girls 

Yeah that's pretty much what I've been up to. Of course in btwn all these are my movie watching moments, my naptimes, storybook reading times, and the usual weekend ultimate. All in all, loving my summer still :) Can't wait for Thurs, bbq party! :D 

P/s: Hope you enjoyed the looooonnnggg, picture-filled post. This post is long AND pretty enough to earn me AT LEAST another one month hiatus (unless I feel this irrepressible urge to blog), so goodbye for a month now :P

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Happiness is a journey, not a destination

Putting everything on hold to achieve the one thing you think will make you happy will actually mean that you're miserable along the way to getting there, and when you get there, you might find that the thing you wanted doesn't make you as happy as you thought it would, or worse, you've completely forgotten how to be happy.
-page 27, The Woman He Loved Before by Dorothy Koomson- 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

It's here

Summer 2012, that's what's here. I'm very glad to be free from the daily library camping sessions, nerding away. But at the same time, I do miss the distraction that studying provided. But still, summer is pretty awesome :)

So faaaaaarrrr, we're about 2 weeks into summer and I've gone to Redang last week :) My very first time to Redang. The place is beautiful. Really wish I could go back there again. 

Last night in Redang, dinner by the beach :)

Also managed to have a movie/outing with ze closest catechism mates, Chris, Glynn and Colin. We watched Madagascar 3 and seriously spent the entire time laughing our butts off. The movie is hilarious. Please do go watch it :) Then we spent another hour just taking pictures and laughing at everything under the sun.

Just to compare our height difference :P

I'll be off to Cameron this weekend to help out for the confirmation camp, and then heading to Melaka next week for a frisbee tournament. Many plans, cuz like I said before, I'm determined to make summer awesome. More awesome than last year in fact, because I can.

On a much randomer note, started off today on a pretty bad note. Had a horrible dream. One that's definitely going to haunt me for quite a while, and naturally just put me in a pretty depressing mood since morning. Which made my mind wonder a bit too much, and of course made everything seem so much worse. But it really is amazing sometimes, how the people who make u the happiest once upon a time, can now be the people who make you the saddest. Yes I digress. I apologise. I'm done, really. Tata :)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

To the song we used to sing

Didn't know what to name my blog post, but I'm currently listening to Your Call by Secondhand Serenade, and that line just seems appropriate. As usual, I have nothing to blog about. Just wanted to blog cuz well, I just want to :D

Our seniors had their FYP presentations today, and we went to give them moral support (and also cuz we were forced to :P) but yeah sat and listened (and also slept) through the presentations. And now the stress is ON the second years for our FYPs next year. I'm stressing out bout the whole "pick yr supervisor thing".

On a randomer note, today was pink day :) But no we didn't go to BR we just felt like dressing up according to a theme colour cuz it's been a while since we did that :P

With Miss Imada and Professor Peter :)

Pink day with the girls <3
Cheers to pigging out :D
Okay I guess that's it :) Bye :D

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Lie to me

If you're going to do it, do it smartly. Do it well enough that I don't find out, do it well enough that no one comes and tells me the real story later on. It's okay if you lie to me convincingly enough and I don't find out, but it is more than NOT okay when I find out later on, and know that you did lie to me. Same goes for hiding stuff from me. 
And FYI, omission of the truth on purpose with the intention of hiding things from me is STILL a lie. 

So really go ahead and lie to me, just don't let me find out anything about your lies. EVER.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

on the surface

Do you know what it's like to have so many friends, TOO many friends till your mom complains and says you have too many friends, but at the same time to feel like you have no friends at all?

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Random shots :)

Just thought my blog needed some updating :) But I don't really have much to write about. Was going to do one of those posts cuz I do feel this need to express certain things, but thinking about it, what point is there in saying anything anymore? So instead, here you go, random pictures :) 

The retarded looking John Chia, my awesome buddy, my ukelele teacher :)
Danny and me in matching colours in The Farm :)
Such a movie scene picture :P My guitarist all night long during follow up :)
Pretty Virginia, queen of sasau once fed with cotton candy and mountain dew :P
The February baby who turned 21, Elynn Foo :)
Hats are in again :P
Ze best friend :)
I kissed a girl (Anne) and I liked it? No not quite, there was a card there k :P
Okay I'm done. I feel happier now. No need for all those emotions to be expressed. Some things are just better not said, sometimes it's better to be blatantly ignorant and not care :)

Good night! :D

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Too much to say

It has been way too long. Way, WAY too long. Too much has happened, some good, some not so good and some I'd rather not talk about. But for now, let's just talk happy updates k :) 

I turned 21 :) In a pretty awesome party, in the company of family and friends.

Very first ultimate tournament. Played for Cheras Underdawgs :)


Cut my hair, changed my parting for the first time in so many years. :D

Valentine's Day in Ikea, eating and shopping. NOT alone :P

High school friends reunion. Small group, but a reunion nonetheless :)

It has been a good one month plus. Got my results and I did okay, so I'm relatively satisfied. Been keeping busy though, with classes, youth, psychsoc stuff. I'm happy being busy. Stressed as hell sometimes, but I like being busy. It gives me things to look forward to, gets me running around and keeps me preoccupied. Gives me less time to sit here thinking unnecessarily stoning my life away :P

Lotsa funny things have happened but I guess they're all for me to remember and not for you to read :P Too lazy, plus some are just too nonsensical, and too private. I will say that things are never really easy, but maybe they could be a little easier than what I imagined them to be :) So I'm optimistic, that things will be fine very soon.

On a randomer note, I finally tried macarons :)

Next up will be trying to bake them :) And another randomer random note, this random guy talked to me during the Wildcats tournament, and he actually was pretty cute, not to mention friendly :) On a sadder note, I found out he's Malay :( So we're good to be friends but that's it. LOL. (okay I can't believe I just said that, but it's my blog so yeah wtv I really don't care anymore :P)

And I guess that's enough of notes, be it random or sad ones. I think it's time for bed. Visiting ze brother at his NS camp tomorrow.  Okay one last random note before I sleep. 

I still believe :)

If you get it, then good. If no, then it's okay. 
And also, my tweets have been pretty UN-emo for a really long time :) 
Okay enough. Goodnight :P

Friday, January 6, 2012


1st post of 2012, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! :) So far it's been awesome. Christmas has been awesome, New Year too. My pictures from facebook will tell you that indeed :D

But the studying mood has kicked in, or rather was forced to kick in cuz exams are just around the corner and I'm nowhere even near halfway prepared for them. So difficult to switch from that happy partying mood to a full on nerd mode :( Sighhhh.

On a randomer side note, I'm haunted. All the time. By my own thoughts and dreams, my conscious AND unconscious thinking. I don't know how long I can go about like this. I really should have written down all my reasons and thoughts right then when I decided on them when I got back from camp. (Yes it sounds like I'm not making sense, at least not to you :P)

Why is it so hard for me to make a decision and to stick to it? Sigh, I know the answer to that actually. But I'd really rather not answer that. See how now brown cow? Too late already, I don't feel as determined as I did when I first got back from camp. Gaaahhhhhhh :( I could slap myself, really.

It's just so easy to make me lose focus and to make my will go weak and to hit me and make me say okay I change my mind. I've become way too nice after leaving high school. All the high school people will be so amazed with this "always kena bully, always kena tease and always let ppl take advantage of, miss do not say no to ppl when they ask for favours" version of me. Now I'm just crapping with such a passion I'm amazing myself.

I'm such a failure. Really. Kthxbai.